If You Loved Me....

You ever have that friend, lover, etc...whoever say to you "if you loved me you would..." Ok I'll admit that in some cases we would need to appease this desire filled statement and do what they wish. In other cases we as adults or at least as people with our own thoughts, desires, and goals have to make a decision based on what we need, want, or see best for ourselves. The great thing about being an adult is no one else gets a true say in that decision unless we allow them to. In short you may not like everything I do or say but it has no...or at least shouldn't have any bearing on how much you think I care about you. In other words love does not = taking your side in every issue that arises or agreeing with you all the time. (See my old blog about unreasonable expectations of this is what you believe.)

In my opinion, statements like this - which I myself have been guilty of at times - place an unfair burden on the relationship. I should point out I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. We could be talking about your best friend telling you they don't want you to do this or that. A mom could be asking her adult child not to associate with a certain group of people that she doesn't like. In my case - in one example - I felt as though this person could not possibly care about me given a specific conversation we had. Obviously, it was not a pleasant conversation, and the fallout lasted months. In order to forgive my friend I had to come to the realization that her actions did not prove a lack of caring for me. It only proved that her need, wish, desire went against what I wanted. That is not her fault or even her problem. Her only obligation was to be honest with me regarding any part that affects me.

Fights happen and people get emotional and upset. But if you call them your friends you should know and trust them well enough to trust their intentions.