Facts versus Feelings

Often times we allow ourselves to become so overwhelmed with feeling and emotions that we tend to look over the facts that are before us. More often than not we make decisions that have a major effect on our lives based on how we feel and usually end up suffer from great regrets. You hear the statement a lot I know as it pertains to relationships “follow your heart”. Well the fact is the heart loves to love and is often blinded by emotions and personal desires that may not be what’s best for us as a whole. In our careers we have made mistakes by walking off a job or communicating recklessly out of emotion that causes us to face negative consequences that can create detrimental impacts on our lives.

Sticking to the facts is one important step that will assist is in being able to maintain self control. I know that women especially have issues with making emotional based decisions instead of following thru with what’s most logical. I am not saying all women, but based on my life observations this tends to be the case more often than not. I have been a victim myself of acting out on emotions. It is essential that we are able to pay attention to what is right before our face instead of coming up with creative ideas to justify or explain what WE have identified as variables that don’t truly exist yet preventing us from utilizing wise judgment when it comes to our decision making process.

In relationship’s women often times create excuses for men that are not demonstrating their love appropriately or not responding to a relationship in the manner that they should. Well the fact is if the man is not demonstrating love, then he doesn’t love you simple as that. It doesn’t matter what he says, it’s what he does and how he treats you. I know women sometimes will say things like “well he wasn’t showed love as a child”, when the fact is, if a man loves you regardless of what he has been through, there will be some sign and he will have not problems expressing his love in some form or fashion because he won’t be able to help himself. If your man is telling you he’s not ready for a relationship but you continue on playing the role as his woman, this is yet, another example of not paying attention to the facts and acting out on emotions and or desires of the heart believing that his heart and mind will change based on your actions. NOT!!!!

You’re at a job and you don’t like your boss. Your boss in your opinion is rude and disrespectful; you go to work and you are having a bad day, you were already emotionally frustrated before you stepped foot into work. Your boss says something you don’t like; you then respond in an inappropriate manner to your BOSS and you are written up, this was your last write up you were allowed before the termination process began, now what? Because of your feelings and emotions you have now lost your job and caused a severely negative impact on YOUR life. This is just pure justification to back up how essential it is to be able to demonstrate self control not only in this particular situation but in all areas of life. The facts here were that we all know that speaking inappropriately or declining to do what is asked of you by your boss is considered insubordination. That’s a fact. In this particular scenario another fact was, this was the last write up that could be received before the termination process began. The last fact that sticks out is the only person really having to feel the brunt of the pain of being terminated was the employee not the BOSS.

Stick to the facts and always make an aggressive attempt not to react on feelings and emotions. This will not only protect you in the long run form making a lot of bad judgment calls, but from having to deal with the other set of feelings and emotions that we are forced to face after making the wrong decisions in the first place…. BE BLESSED!!!!!!

“If you not bringing anything to the table you are not welcome to eat” Part 2

I feel that the promoting of women being independent has been yet another variable that contributes to the opinion that if a woman wants a man that works and is able to provide is already pre-judged as being a gold digger. You often times here men complain about women being overly aggressive and not fully understanding their role as a woman. I feel that these types of scenarios often come about because women feel like if they can work and provide for their families maintaining bills and a home, that a man should be able to do the same if not more, because he is the stronger vessel. A woman should never expect less from man than what she is able to produce for herself. In order for a woman to respect a man enough to lead, he has to be able to show her that he is able provide as for himself as well as for her. In my opinion if a woman accepts anything less, she is settling and placing a lower self worth compromising her expectations for her life as a whole.

I am not trying to send out the message that the woman should be with a man that is going to be able to provide a life of lavishness and luxury, however, what I am saying is that the man should be held responsible for paying the bulk of the bills while living within their means of course. Do I think that everyone is going to be blessed with a rich man that can provide a life conducive to her being a stay at home wife? No, that is not what I am saying at all, in fact, for the majority of the population this is not at all possible depending on your goals and wants. The economy won’t allow for such, especially if you throw a couple of kids in the equation.

Going back to my theory of the reason why God created woman 6 days after created man which was the 7th day also referred to the day of rest, indicates that all the work had already been completed by the time the woman was created. He worked alone, with God leading him, with no assistance from the woman. The woman was made to comfort and support the man not to provide for him nor teach him how unless he is her child. This to me wraps up my point in a nutshell. BE BLESSED!!!!!!!!!

“If you not bringing anything to the table you are not welcome to eat” Part 1

Gold Digger: Informal. a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.

In today’s society women are being looked down upon for desiring a man that is accomplished or independent for lack of a better term. If a woman prefers to have a man that has his own car, career and crib, the 3C’s that must be met in my opinion before she even considers dating or better yet even getting to know, she is looked down on as being a gold digger. There are so many songs about independent women or women that have their own as a compliment to the woman, what is the problem with women wanting that out of their men. It all goes back to the knowing and understanding of one another’s roles.

God didn’t create a woman until 6 days later after creating man. That man worked hard for those days before God blessed him with his gift which was the woman. God created man to be her head. His intentions were for the man to provide and care for the women’s basic needs. God made the woman to be comforting to a man AFTER all of his hard work. I challenge you to look at this picture. He didn’t create the woman until the day of rest….. He didn’t create her to provide for him because everything was already done. You must be able to see the logic in this. God can do what he wants to do, and has things set up in an order he wants. If he meant for the woman to be the provider and to make sure the man is taking care of in that capacity, I would dare to say that he would have created her first.

Women need to realize that by accepting a man that can’t even take care of himself will ultimately create a new set of issues to have to tend to. The man will become viewed as a liability resembling that of child. This will eventually cause the woman to begin to lose respect for the man, which is another problem in itself. I am not saying that money and love are to be viewed equally because that’s quite the contrary; however, I am saying that as an adult civilized human being men as well as women should be able to at least provide for themselves. A man should know what responsibility is and how to handle it. Being able to be lead in a household should not be foreign to him. Men should be confident in the knowledge of their role in having to work and pay bills before he even considers the pursuit of a wife. These are just basic qualifications a man should possess in general. BE BLESSED!!!!!

Most Powerful Weapon-Music

Todays music is one of the biggest threats to our society. It is destroying our youth. Music is one, if not the most powerful tool used to brainwash our children. Tracks are potent and very effective learning tools used to teach our children, for example their ABC's. Music has been around since the beginning of time and appears to be a major contributor to underacheivment in our youth. Ignorance is now made to appear glamorous and cool. If a child continues to hear the same message perhaps in different forms all day long by different artist, it unsurprisingly sticks and often times becomes a way of life. This epidemic is even more dangerous to youth in broken homes where the parents are either simply ignoring the problem, not able to take time to explain and express the importance of knowing and understanding true morals and what it truly takes to succeed in the real world. This thing that was once known as art has now been turned in to one of the most powerful weapons of mass destruction, rap music in particular, as well as Pop and R&B. There is some good music but those artist rarly get spins. The only types of music that appear to be in massive rotation is the music that's sending the wrong messages and it's being done intentionaly. These messages often time glorify life in the prison system, promoting and persuading young girls to have sex at much earlier ages with marriage or love being nowhere in the list of prerequsites. They are painting a picture that equates beauty and prostitution, as well making it appear strong and powerful to sell drugs. Music is now opening up doors that shouldn't be opened, shoving pandora's box into our youth's hands and minds and later fix our mouths to ask "what is wrong with the children today?" We wonder why their is so much voilence, teen preganancy,aids, low self-esteem and a lack of respect for others as well as themselves only to learn that it's all just propaganda. No one really cares, and as I stated earlier it is a slick and effective slavery method being used. Slavery for all not just one race. People this is not being done by mistake. I am a mother of two beautiful innocent little girls. It sickens me to watch music videos with them that is displaying such filth and degradation. I know that some would question why allow your children to watch, and my response is, "because they are being exposed to such evils daily" and I want to be the one to give them the proper knowledge they need to keep them from becoming so succeptable to such ignorance. It's my responsibility as a mother to provide the appropriate answers to their questions and to be their guidance. Your Rihanna's, Niki Minaj's, and Beyonce's just to name a few, are all horrible role models to young girls. These messages that are being delievered are oversexed and raunchy. I don't want my daughters striving to be anything like them, they are disgusting and have no respect for themselves. They have fallen into the trap. These ladies have forgotten that they are beautiful, young talented women whose precious gifts could be used to motivate and educate instead of disquising prostitution as an accomplishment. Not only are they selling their bodies, but their souls while also manipulating and failing youth all over the world that look up to them as being icons. I remember when music was used to educate. It painted the prettiest pictures I had ever seen of love. It made people happy, it helped some to make it through sad and rough times. It used to be cool for a man to sing about how much he loved a woman. Now the men are all about having all the woman not with intentions of loving and caring but simply to disprespect in more ways than one, whether it be just to have sex with her and leave her or pimping her for money. Music has been successful as portraying women to be deemed as worthless. Rappers are quick use the "B" word when making reference to a young lady and tend to be the most disrespecful out of them all. You have grown men wanting to be out in the streets rapping for what's considered to be fame, attracting as well as thirsting for attention of the empty women lacking self-love to stroke their empty ego's. Rap music has our young men constantly wanting to rip and run around with their "boys" or entourage and we wonder why homosexuality is becoming so prevelant. Think about it.... If this music wasn't selling dreams and painting pretty pictures of slavery, then these men would be at home being fathers to their children, husbands to their wifes, providing for their family and being the men that followed the script that God designed and created as a guide for living a happy and fulfilling life. I know that there's not to much I can really say or do to eliminate this problem. I can send this message that hopefully educate's others in efforts to provide as much protection possible for our children living in todays society. They are being marked and identified targets for destruction. It's time to stand up and reconize what's going on today and acknowledge what we see. It is time to wise up. Marvin Gaye wrote a song called "What's Going On" this song exposed a lot of issues dealing with government and officials in power. This was before it's time, because the issues are still the same and have gotten worse especially on the radio. I wonder what would've or could've happened if we were paying as close attention to the music back then as our children are doing now? Be Blessed!!!

Doing to Much!!!!

I couldn't help but to initiate this discussion about the whole interracial dating scene as it relates to the black man/white woman, and my personal opinions towards it. What triggered this discussion is that I happened to be scrolling through Facebook and read a post that a young Caucasian lady posted something that I considered to be very offensive, as well as untrue. Her post read "Why Do Most Black Men Want a White Woman?" I was floored by it. She even went as far as to say that it appears the black men will have 2 or 3 black"baby mommas....but want to love and marry a white woman." Now before I go even further, I would like to mention that she considers herself to be a female rapper. Having said that, I could go as far as to say that her comment would be equivalent to asking why do MOST white women try to be Black? I know that I am not up on that genre of music as well I should be, however, I don't recall ever seeing a white female rapper. Now I am intelligent enough to know that's not the case just like the MOST black men wanting a white women is not the case either. I felt that her post could be considered not only offensive to other black women but also very arrogant. I would go as far as saying that MOST black men would like to sleep with a white women due to the whole forbidden fruit thing that goes back to slavery and the stereotype of them being considered easy. A lot of the brothers that set out to date white women tend to be suffering from the Willi Lynch Syndrome and don't even realize it. After researching and and pondering over such statements, my mind sent me back to the guys that I know personally. The guys that tend to gravitate toward white women are often times the black men that are of lower socioeconomic status with little education and lack self love. One Gentlemen made the comment that black men tend to be with white women because she is more apt to allow them to do what they want without any accountability. Now, I do completely agree that the black female needs to tone down her attitude some and learn how to compromise more, but at the same time, often these women have had to be strong and maintain for the family since slavery. I feel that the black men that tend to make the remarks about dealing with drama when involved with a black women could be debated. I see white women everyday causing a lot of drama that is unnecessary, also going as far as sending them to jail. The black woman tends to be harder on the black man because she knows their flaws as well as their strengths, and only want them to be the kings that they are. If a black man wants to deal with a white woman versus a black woman because the white woman is considered more docile would indicate that these are a group weak brothers. I have noticed black men leave their queens to be with white women who are in and out of jail, not having custody of their children and yes trying to recreate themselves as being something that they are not, for example black. It is often displayed in their dialect. I don't think that the white woman truly feels superior on the inside. I think it's a tactic used to manipulate the black man to believe such things due to their own insecurities and jealousy towards the black woman. One thing I would like to mention if you really feel that most black men want most white women and this pleases you, then stop trying to emulate the black woman by tanning and injecting yourselves. Decades ago it was considered ugly to be "so dark" and to have full lips with the full hips with an onion on your back, now more and more of your Caucasian women are purchasing these things. As I stated earlier there is nothing wrong with interracial dating, but don't get so comfortable with thinking that the black woman is insignificant or invaluable to their men because we are not. Let's not forget that these same black men have black mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and so on. That soul is present won't be replaced. So to the white ladies that happened to be blessed with a black man be grateful but don't allow yourselves to go as far as considering yourselves superior to the black woman. If you can't say anything else about a black woman, we are proud our culture and wouldn't even consider the possibility of changing our blackness which displays confidence, something that some white women are obviously lacking based on the comments and remarks you tend to make. It's okay though, I think it would be appropriate to say that the black women truly understand and are also flattered. Be Blessed.

The New Women's Lib: Submission

To my beautiful black women we are in a state of emergency! Our marriages are failing and our families are torn as evidence by 70% of black children being born in broken homes. We tend to blame the demise of the black family solely on the black man, when if we are honest with ourselves, we have been guilty of playing a role in this catastrophe also. When I look back, my parents have been married for 39 years, grandparents for 72 with similar times from several aunts and uncles from the same generation. What happened to us? One thing I think is as women we have denounced our womanhood in a lot of ways. We have turned away from what the women before us have tried o teach us. Now that we have our education, own money, own our homes, etc. it appears that we feel as though we have arrived. The first thing that comes out of our mouths is what we don't need, a man, as to say "we ain't putting up with shit".... I know for a fact that a lot, if not most of the women of my generation has said this at least once at some point. Regardless of whether we mean it or not, it is said. Not to mention the whole idea of the women's liberation movement, fighting to be treated like a man, this is pure insanity. We are now getting treated like men and no longer as women. It is now that we want to place the blame back on the man. This would indicate we are never satisfied, which can be identified as a negative trait; constantly displayed amongst us as well. My mother use to say to me all the time, "you may get what you want but you will lose what you had". This is what has happened to us ladies. We got what we thought we wanted and lost a lot of what we had in the process. With that being said, I am not saying this alone is responsible for the downfall of the black man. I just want us to focus on ourselves and take an honest look to see what we can do to assist in making our lives better; not just for us but for both our children and men. It is time for us to be agents of change. Black women, if we are honest with ourselves we have to admit that we have some issues. We are quick to say that we are going to other races due to the imperfections of the black man. The truth of it all is that no other race is going to want damaged goods either. We as a people have been targeted for decades to be destroyed and we know this. Our men are feared the most which makes them targeted the most. This is by no means a justification for their negative actions, but merely a fact. It is time to take those pants off and put on a skirt, lip gloss and be quiet for a change. We need to speak less and listen more. Being meek and soft spoken are virtues from God. We need to stop trying to run EVERYTHING. One of my favorite quotes from Marilyn Monroe supports what my stance on the topic is, "women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition". A woman who understands her role and embraces it is a confident woman. The role of a woman is just as important as the role of a man, the roles are just different. Do not forget we bring lives into the world which is major and even in that we need a man for that to transpire. Men want and need a woman, not a probation officer or mother. We say that we don't need a man, but the fact remains that we want a man. We say that we are not going to take anything off a man, which often leaves us alone. Instead we turn to frivolous dating, being lonely, longing for someone to hold us, rub our hair, and tell us how beautiful we are to them. Since we will not take shit we choose not to take shit off a man this is where we end up; still complaining. We need to stop playing games and ourselves with our words and negative demeanor. A real man wants a real woman, one that is going to complete, support, nurture and love him. A man needs a woman that understands her womanhood and his manhood. Stay with me ladies...we have lost track and gotten away from the ways things are supposed to be done. We are killing ourselves because we have allowed our pride to run us into a deep dark hole. Either we have all forgotten or never fully understood the word submission. Submission as it relates to us is not synonymous with slavery or bondage. It is just simply allowing a man to be your head. For the life of me I do not understand why this word is so upsetting to some women. If we pay close attention, the ones that feel this way tend to be alone and unhappy. Once again we have forgotten our roles. God created woman for a man, not vice versa. I know this may have gone over some of your heads but I must repeat, A WOMAN WAS CREATED FOR A MAN. Man was created first and then God saw fit to bless him with what was supposed to be a beautiful gift. There was a reason God did not create both at the same time, it was not due to his inability to do so. I do not know about you but I would challenge you to think about this deeper and understand that God knew what he was doing. The bible speaks about contentious women and how God would rather for a man to live in the forest than with a nagging woman. When we choose a man, choose him carefully so that being submissive will not feel like a negative task or chore. I say when we choose but the fact is that a man selects us. When we choose to accept a man's pursuit, just make sure it is a real man. A real man will love you, provide for you and out of love will never have you in a place that feels degrading. I would love to submit to a love such as this. I would like for you to ponder on this a bit more before I go on any further. Think of this post as just the milk, the meat will come later. However, I would like to end with at statement that I heard an older woman say, " A woman gains more power by embracing her womanhood than denouncing it." God Bless.