Can People Really Change?

We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to do so until the day we leave this earth. However, there is a difference between making a mistake and having destructive patterns of behavior that repeat themselves. The question here - is it possible for one to change their own patterns of behavior, especially when it means advancement in some part of their life? It could be as simple as getting a new job and having to go to bed early so you can get up early and be on time. Or it could be as complicated as stopping a destructive behavior such as drinking, drugs, or just your own demons keeping you in a holding pattern.

I was listening to John Legend (w/ Snoop Dogg) “I Can Change” when I wrote this. In the song Legend sings about knowing he’s got a good thing in this woman and he better straighten up and fly right so she won’t leave. The song is a great song but I kind of disagree with the premise. While I am not saying that it is impossible for someone to change or wise up, I do think this song does the same thing for relationships that romantic comedies do. They paint this picture of the exception being the rule. Perhaps I’m being too harsh or bitter, but I’m going by what I’ve seen. I think people have the best intentions when it comes to things a lot of times but what is inside them ultimately comes out.

People say once a cheater always a cheater. This is not to say that anyone who has ever cheated on anyone at any time in their lives is a cheater. But can someone who has cheated on everyone they’ve ever been with change their pattern and be faithful to one person? I wouldn’t hold my breath that I’m the one to make them do it if I was you, but anything is possible. I think what often happens is someone feels pressured to change. They don’t want things to end so they do what they have to do to hold it together and either fail and disappoint themselves and/or their partner or succeed and in some cases live unhappily for as long as they can stand it. To quote Ben Harper “I hate to say that I love you because it means that I will be with you forever or we’ll sadly, sadly say goodbye and I love to say that I hate you because it means that I can live my life happily without you or we’ll sadly, sadly, sadly live a lie”. Either it’s going to work and you’ll be happy or it won’t and if you can’t admit it and move on you’ll sit there miserable and resentful.

Let’s say you have found this awesome person, you love each other dearly but you both have qualities or habits the other doesn’t’ like. This is true in any relationship because people are people. Your option in that relationship is to decide to tolerate, deal, accept, or love that quality (i.e. stick around) or say nah this is a deal breaker and chunk up deuces. If you decide to stick around you cannot expect that person to change who they are for you, but sometimes they will try and even succeed. This is rare and if it happens there is no guarantee they will stay happy. I am not saying one should not be willing to compromise in their relationship. It’s just a matter of what each person is willing and able to sacrifice for the greater good of the relationship and still be happy in it. All that said I do feel like if you’ve entered into a relationship with someone or even are pursuing one you’re going to have to compromise at some point and you should be willing to do so because relationships involve more than just one person. How much change would you make for the "right" person or situation?