The Coily Hair Chronicles (3)

The Coily Hair Chronicles

“ Help!!!!!  My Man Hates My Natural Hair ”

“What!! He doesn’t like your hair???? Girl! Leave Him! Pack your bags… better yet, pack his bags and put them by the door. Tell him, it’s natural you, or nothing! You tell him… that he….”

*** Time Out*** That’s right, I’m pausing this conversation!  I know that by now, many of you have encountered that one natural friend who had completely  committed herself to a natural hair journey, emerged herself in the transformation of her coils, and then comes to you distraught and disgusted because her man is less than thrilled that her 18 inch Egyptian Remy is a thing of the past. 

Before you go advising your friends to give the love of her life the boot, or before you prepare to  give your man an ultimatum between your natural hair and sleeping in the car, you should take a look at this post and try to view things from his stand point.

We live in a time, where the standard for beauty is often judged based upon very superficial characteristics such as weight, skin tone, eye color, etc.  Just as we were poisoned into thinking that our kinky, curly, coily hair was something undesirable, or something to be hidden; Men of this day and age were groomed into thinking that the standard for beauty is long straight sleek hair. After all, when you met him, you probably weren’t rockin a teenie weenie afro, or 4 inch two strand twists.  My suggestion for this dilemma would be to have the talk with your significant other about changing your hairstyle prior to the occurrence.  Public Service Announcement: THIS IS NOT MY SUGGESTION TO  ASK FOR PERMISSION. This is merely my belief that having the natural discussion prior to cutting all your hair, will at least give you some idea of how he will respond to the change. Thus avoiding the heartbreak of him telling you that he's upset.  Men enjoy feeling like they are included in our decisions to make important changes. Personally, I  chose to sit down with my husband and explain all of the risks associated with the exposure of harsh chemicals on my scalp. I explained to him that while I would truly appreciate his support, this choice to go natural was primarily for my own personal growth, and happiness. I also included that I understood if he felt that this was selfish, and asked what I could do to make him more comfortable with this choice.  Perhaps, once your significant other knows why you want to make the change he will be more supportive. This does not mean that he will be in favor of you two rockin’ matching fades, so the discussion of whether to big chop or the transition will likely be saved for another day, but at least you will have an idea about what his response to the change will be.  Below I will make a list of suggestions on how to have the "natural talk" with your mate. Good Luck Ladies, and Congrats on your Choice!

1.       Make a List of the Pros and Cons of going natural and share it with your significant other.
Pro: I won’t have to plan swimming, vacations, holiday parties, or any weekend get-away around my relaxer.
Con: For a while, I will be uncertain about how to style my hair, so I may feel somewhat uncomfortable.

2.       Offer a Compromise.  Perhaps your honey isn’t too keen on the idea of you shaving your head. In this instance you could transition, and protect your hair, by doing straw sets, twist outs, braid outs, or even bantu knot outs to blend the two textures, after a few months of growth you could again, re-visit the idea of the “Big Chop.” (Note:  Some of those “Loves of Your Life” will have made their exit a few months into the transition, because of various reasons that have nothing to do with your hair. At this time,  please feel free to do as you wish, “before he cleans up his act” as Bridget Kelly would say).

3.       Switch It Up!   One could write an ode to natural hair based solely upon its versatility. You can wear so many styles and maintain so many textures and looks without permanently altering the pattern of your hair. If your man is like mine, and is deeply devoted to the straight and silky, then consider an occasional sew-in. This gives you a break from being overwhelmed with hair growth or the lack of growth,styling, etc. and gives him the opportunity to see you in the way that he’s used to seeing you. Now, for those of you, who are like me, and refuse to be limited or pigeonholed into any style, then wigs are a ton of fun and completely commitment free! Just be sure that you are taking care of the hair underneath the sew in or the wig!!!!!   (Your natural hair should never be wet for more than 24 hours, this creates a laboratory for mildew…. Ewwww!)

4.       Patience.  Just as you are requesting that your partner be patient with you in changing your hair from its current sate back to its natural state, you will be have to be patient with his acceptance level.  I can remember early natural days when I would co-wash my hair, and my husband would be  standing in the door frame of the bathroom looking at me with his, “Girl, if you don’t grow some hair!” stare. But as time progressed, he saw my personality emerge and self-esteem increase, followed by my hair gaining and retaining length. Now, he randomly compliments my hair, or will mention how much it has grown over the last few months. His preference now, is my curly hair, although occasionally, I throw on my long straight wig, just to see his million dollar smile. Remember, just as you will be a work in progress on embracing and strengthening your natural hair; your significant other will also be experiencing a “loss” of a kind as well, and may need prompting.  Sharing the experience with him and making him understand it’s purpose is key in gaining his support. 

     
       

       Good Luck This Week in All Your Curly Endeavors.... *ClarasHands*       

Foot Note:  How to Catch a Dred Head 101: Go Natural; They are always on the Natural Hair Care Aisle.