Over the past couple of weeks, I have had more than one conversation with friends about the number of people we see in abusive relationships. The amount of women and some men that allow themselves to take this treatment from their "so called" loved ones is worrisome. With the amount of literature, support systems and overall awareness out there about abusive relationships there is no reason for people to be caught up in these situations. Why do they continue to put themselves through this abuse? This is the question that I have been asking myself over and over again for over a week now. I have come to the conclusion that it is one of two things. The first reason of course is that they "love" the person that is hurting them. The second is that many of these people do not see themselves as being "abused". Physical abuse is something that is not tolerated nearly as much as verbal abuse. Therefore, if someone is not being physically abused then they do not recognize it as abuse.
What I am not going to do in this post is say that the people that stay in these relationships are weak or lack self respect because that is not the case at all in many of these cases. However, one thing that is present in these relationships is fear. Fear alone is something that is paralyzing and causes us to not act even when we know better. They fear being alone. They fear starting over. They fear what other people may say. They fear so much that they fail to realize what they may actually be able to gain in return for letting go of that fear. What I will say is that the people that are dishing out this abuse to the people they claim to "love" are poor excuses for human beings. I do not care if it is a man or a woman, if you need to control something or someone, then I will recommend looking in the mirror. Either that or you need to go get a dog or some other type of animal to control on your verbal command. You are insecure. You are lacking self love and need to get some professional help before you self destruct. At the end of the day, you will end up alone because no one can take that treatment forever. So please do not say that no one ever told you, cause I just did.
If you are in a relationship with someone that is attempting to control you then you need to put a stop to it today. Tomorrow never comes if that is what you are waiting for so today put an end to the abuse. I am not saying leave, but I am saying stop being an enabler. No one can control another person without their consent. When reading Dr. Phil McGraw's advice on dealing with controlling people, he pointed out a couple of key things that I will reiterate here: 1) You need to ask yourself what it is costing you to be in this relationship? If the answer includes, your dreams, identity, or dignity, then the cost is too high, 2) Start taking responsibility for your actions. How is your behavior enabling your partner? By not dealing with a controlling partner's behavior, you're only enabling it to continue, and 3) Suffering in silence IS NOT LOVE!
Lastly, it goes without saying if you attempt to work things out and cannot get through to the person that is abusive to you then you will need to start working on your exit strategy. The one thing I know is that you will be amazed at the hands that will come out of nowhere to help you start fresh and become your support system. The person that is being abused is never alone but feel they are as a result of the abuse. This is because controlling people are emotional extortionist.
What I am not going to do in this post is say that the people that stay in these relationships are weak or lack self respect because that is not the case at all in many of these cases. However, one thing that is present in these relationships is fear. Fear alone is something that is paralyzing and causes us to not act even when we know better. They fear being alone. They fear starting over. They fear what other people may say. They fear so much that they fail to realize what they may actually be able to gain in return for letting go of that fear. What I will say is that the people that are dishing out this abuse to the people they claim to "love" are poor excuses for human beings. I do not care if it is a man or a woman, if you need to control something or someone, then I will recommend looking in the mirror. Either that or you need to go get a dog or some other type of animal to control on your verbal command. You are insecure. You are lacking self love and need to get some professional help before you self destruct. At the end of the day, you will end up alone because no one can take that treatment forever. So please do not say that no one ever told you, cause I just did.
If you are in a relationship with someone that is attempting to control you then you need to put a stop to it today. Tomorrow never comes if that is what you are waiting for so today put an end to the abuse. I am not saying leave, but I am saying stop being an enabler. No one can control another person without their consent. When reading Dr. Phil McGraw's advice on dealing with controlling people, he pointed out a couple of key things that I will reiterate here: 1) You need to ask yourself what it is costing you to be in this relationship? If the answer includes, your dreams, identity, or dignity, then the cost is too high, 2) Start taking responsibility for your actions. How is your behavior enabling your partner? By not dealing with a controlling partner's behavior, you're only enabling it to continue, and 3) Suffering in silence IS NOT LOVE!
Lastly, it goes without saying if you attempt to work things out and cannot get through to the person that is abusive to you then you will need to start working on your exit strategy. The one thing I know is that you will be amazed at the hands that will come out of nowhere to help you start fresh and become your support system. The person that is being abused is never alone but feel they are as a result of the abuse. This is because controlling people are emotional extortionist.
1 comment:
OMG!!!! You hit a home run with this one McStaten. That is all Im going to say on that...Be Blessed.
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